My thoughts on ...

It’s not only a secret that men are in a different societal position today (some may say a crisis), it has become a topic of regular discussion. We are seeing a greater divide among the sexes, more challenges in the work place, and less opportunities for meaningful growth and inclusion. One of the key challenges in finding any skillful help is the sheer lack of qualified mentors, teachers, therapists, or any kind guide that is qualified to help men grow into a healthy sense of self…for lack of a better word: manhood. Although our world is changing, the nature of man has not.

In my own journey I struggled for many years. I nearly broke myself (physically, mentally, socially, etc.), and I certainly hurt a lot of people along the way. My work life was abysmal. I bounced from therapist to therapist for the better part of a decade, never finding anybody who had anything of real value to offer. Through determination, and a good bit of luck, I was very fortunate to stumble upon a group of men, and find a therapist that focused on “men’s work.” They embraced the masculine parts of themselves, parts that are often shunned or ignored by men and women. They found ways to bring themselves fully into the world, to be accepted, to give and receive real love, and be praised. They learned to honor and respect their bodies, minds, souls, and spirit. In the process, they became the happiest and most successful men I had ever met.

It takes a man to teach a man. The main problem, which I would not uncover until years after I began my journey into becoming a therapist, was that most of the therapists I was being failed by were women, or very unskilled men. Let me say, before anything else, that I do not wish to denigrate or portray poorly the many people that I reached out to for help. The problem, to some degree, was also myself. I didn’t know that I needed a strong mentor. I needed someone that had been on a path similar to what I was facing. I needed someone that would both challenge me, and share their compassion with me. I needed to be cried with, and taught to integrate my problems, as well as not let myself be drowned in my own bullshit. As a man, I needed a man to challenge me into becoming more than I was. Irrespective of what PC culture says, that is how men have always grown through trials: challenge and acceptance by other men.

One of the main reasons I have built my counseling practice around working with men is that there are so few male therapists available. I do things differently. As much as I will support you and [literally] cry with you, I will challenge you to go after the life you want.