My thoughts on ...

I spent much of my counseling internship working at a very large and renowned substance abuse clinic. It was a profoundly difficult and rewarding experience, one that I will remember and be able to pull from for the rest of my life. It was very eye opening and humbling to see the extent to which addiction can take control of someone’s life on such a mass scale.

There are a litany of books, research articles, classes, seminars, and any number of other media dedicated to the pursuit of progress in recovery. I will not pretend to offer any secrets or shortcuts here. The truth is, I don’t think there are any shortcuts, and that’s the real secret.

People suffering with addiction face the same dilemmas as the rest of, but with the volume turned up to 11. The way their brain is structured makes good habits harder to instill and the drive toward immediate pain cessation more alluring. One of the grueling elements of recovery from addiction is that the habits and choices which lead to progress for people dealing with addiction are the same that non-addicted people use to build an enjoyable life: Make good choices. Build good habits. Take care of yourself. Seems easy on the surface, it usually ends up being pretty gritty with a lot of trial and error. Obviously, if it were as easy as “making good decisions,” then we would not have addiction problems.

The real secret is that there is no secret. The same tactics used for good living are the same used for managing sobriety….However!...I do find that most addicts don’t know nature of addiction well enough to apply basic life skills to their unique situation, and then build a sober life worth living.

Every person lives life with a quiet hum in the background, kind of like a refrigerator. Have you ever been in the kitchen and then someone says “Can we move? The refrigerator is a little distracting.” But you never notice it. Nobody notices the refrigerator hum until it is pointed out. Well, strangely, most of life is like that. 

We are born with a temperament (the Nature part of “Nature/Nurture” paradigm) and then we grow up with a family and values, and an understanding of the world around us (the Nurture part). These early experiences usually create the hum of your refrigerator, it is your background noise and it informs your basic experiences of life, whether it is more joyful or more miserable, more stressful or more delightful, more blissful or more insufferable. Do you go to bed most nights not wishing to wake up? Do you view most mornings as difficult? How do you view life? Does it suck and then you die? Is life a daily difficulty? Most people don’t think this way, but these are the elements that I find most likely leading to addiction. Conversely, can we make it a daily celebration?

People with addiction have usually experienced some kind of trauma, or have been dealt a hand of life cards that are so difficult to play that the game does not seem worth it. It’s easier to check out. People with addiction get consumed in always trying to be somewhere or someone that they are not because the truth (read as my perception of right now) is too painful.

So how do we deal with addiction?! The first step is the hardest: face the pain you don’t want to face. Usually you’re in some kind of hole, of which addiction has only dug you deeper. Most of you will have to clean up messes and make amends. There’s an old saying: “The only way out is through.” If you’re in a hole, the only way out is up. I promise, it is worth it.

From there it’s relearning how to do life, and to do it in such a way that it is rewarding and celebratory. So gratifying that drugs don’t make sense. That’s the real “secret,” that there is none. We look for secrets because the truth is not always easy. That is why we hide things from ourselves and others - the painful things we don’t want to look at. 

Life is very straightforward. It is a matter of what is true. It is a matter of accepting greater (sometimes painful) truths and learning to live with them. And sometimes you need help from someone pointing out the noise of your refrigerator, which is where counseling comes in. Make the hum of your refrigerator such a beautiful noise that you enjoy it. Make your life so beautiful and enjoyable that you don’t notice drugs.