My thoughts on ...
Balancing Masculinity and Vulnerability:
A lot of pressure is placed on men to be “masculine.” It comes from our parents, from our culture, and very often from women in our lives. Being “masculine” is good and healthy…and has its limits. (Note the quotation marks - as “masculine” is a loaded term that we’ll explore.)
Traditional masculinity, essentially the ability to move others and not be moved by others, has served humanity well. It has kept us safe in times of danger. It has taken care of business when resources weren’t available. It has fought and died in the trenches without blinking an eye. Masculinity is essential to being a human being.
Traditional vulnerability is associated with openness. It allows the possibility for connection with others. In its healthy expression, it allows us to build thriving teams, to cooperate with others, to exchange ideas, to foster intimacy, to have meaningful discussions and insights, and to create any valuable bond. It is necessary for relationship.
Masculinity is not an opposite, nor in opposition, with vulnerability. Any and every human has the capacity for “masculinity” and vulnerability. Both are parts of the full picture of being a whole human.
Every person has the ability (and need) to advocate for oneself, to establish and assert boundaries, and creatively endeavor new ways for progress. Every person also has the ability to feel, to connect, to love, to enjoy, and to cooperate. The former attributes are not opposed to the latter. They DO, however, require balancing. They DO require skillful means of enactment, embodiment, and execution. Both are often required at the same time, especially in high tension conflicts, but this is not what we are taught.
Schools (and the cultures in which they exist) place a great deal of emphasis on science, technology, engineering, and math, but almost no attention or value on relationships, art, expression, and ethics. We may have achieved, but we lack fulfillment. We may have won, but we don’t know what it means to win. It is now our task in adulthood to further our own education, to be more whole human beings, to integrate unattended parts of ourselves.Now, in our evolving world, we are invited to bring the unaccessed parts of ourselves online.
Our world is continually evolving, and the needs of those around us (AND ourselves) are also evolving. The modern world requires that we be whole people. For millenia, it worked for people to play to their biological strengths. Women cannot steer a plow very well when nine months pregnant. Men cannot give birth. The traditional softness of femininity and the classical hardness of men are benefits when paired together in extended times of poor resources.
Our modern world is different. The invitation (and sometimes challenge) is now to become a human being in balance. We, all of us, have necessary capacities for masculinity and vulnerability. Changing the narrative, it takes a greater masculinity to open oneself and to be open to others. Anybody can shut down, it takes a greater masculinity to connect. Anybody can sit and rot, it takes more courage to ask for help. Anybody can dig into a position, it takes a greater strength to change strategy. Be the bigger man. Learn the skill of vulnerability.