My thoughts on ...

Transitioning careers is never easy. Transitioning out of the military…doubly so. Whether you are switching from a military career to a civilian career, or going into retirement and figuring out what’s next, there are many unseen challenges. I know because I’ve been there.

I entered into the military thinking that it was going to be the rest of my life. As events continued to unfold I had to consider it being a single or second tour of duty endeavor. Ultimately, I got injured badly and was medically retired. It was a long road to recovery for me, and although I still need to find ways to live with my injuries, I am the happiest I’ve ever been, and each year is getting better than the next.

Whether you’ve been in for 4 months, 4 years, or 40 years things have changed since you went in. Now you’re finding that figuring out this next mission has its own unique challenges. With no command telling you how to navigate, you know you have to find a way forward.

Although entire books have been written about the topic, here are some short tips to help you figure out what’s next:

1. Show up for yourself and others. Put emphasis on building relationships. Loneliness is now a greater threat to your health than smoking. Learn the skills of connection and dedicate the time to be with others. The need for brotherhood has not changed, find others that you can connect with. The best thing you can do for your physical, mental, and spiritual health is connect with others. Whether it's through hobbies, common interests, and recreation, or through career, volunteer endeavors, and community activism, find people to connect with!

2. Clean up your past by finding ways to heal what needs healing. I don’t care if you only went through boot camp and then got out or spent decades in the service - being in the service changes you, in some ways good and some ways not so good. The upside of military service is that it brings parts of you online and to maximum effort. The downside is that other parts of you are not given space to explore, express, or grow, but rather are usually repressed or ignored, or even outright injured. In any case, a strength overused can be a weakness and create what counselors call “shadow” effects; unhealed injuries creating problems. Don’t ignore parts of you that are asking for your attention. Clean up your life. Look at the parts of yourself that you don’t want to look at, or it will ruin this part of your life.

3. Grow up to the post-military you. We already mentioned that the military can overuse our strengths. In doing so we don’t get an opportunity to develop other parts of ourselves. The military did a great job of shaping you. Just as we are cleaning up our shadows, we need to grow up to the opportunities, demands, and challenges in this stage in life. You will need to develop different skills.

Although it is up to you to decide what you do, you are not alone in the mission. I promise, others have been where you are, felt what you are feeling, and are more available for help than you think. It is in our need for one another that we connect. 

You may have noticed that this list is not the typical “Do these three things for an immediate change!” No. I’m sorry to say that the good life is at the same time the most complex undertaking you will ever pursue, as well as the most simple experience of being a human that you will face. These are the ways of the long game. This short list is essential to the life-long journey of growth and development, to a life where you are in charge. Now can be better than what you have ever known in the past. Just like the service, we can find the strength and build the skills necessary for you to live your life.